How to Take Exquisite Care of Yourself (Even When You Don’t Want To)

Radical Compassion

Nothing is more important than having compassion for yourself and what you're feeling in moments of storm, despair, and pain. Being hard on yourself and judging how you feel only leads to more pain and blame. The times when we want to numb ourselves—through substances, binge-watching TV, sex, work, or whatever—are the times when we need ourselves the most. These are the very times when we deepen the relationship with ourselves and walk ourselves back home, but only when we allow what wants to be felt to be fully present without placing any conditions. Feel it to heal it—the only way out is through.

Ask yourself in these moments: "What do I need right now?" "Where am I feeling this sensation in my body that I feel resistance towards?" "Can I allow this feeling to be here without the need to get rid of it?" By allowing yourself to feel unconditionally, you gain access to deeper parts of yourself and perhaps discover and learn things that otherwise, you wouldn’t be able to.

Reparenting Yourself

Often when we get triggered or feel pain and discomfort, we want to react because this is how many of us have grown up. However, reacting only gets us so far; it only keeps us in the same, often painful loops until we finally get the message. I believe triggers are here for us to show where we are not free yet, where we keep ourselves imprisoned. By leaving the 3D world alone and going one level deeper, exploring where the feeling that got activated by the trigger is sitting in our body, we move from reaction to response. When our buttons get pushed, we are shown what needs attention and which parts of us need to be nurtured.

Mostly, it is unmet needs from childhood and teenage years, and triggering situations may appear to be completely different than what happened in the past, but they bring up specific feelings that are linked to an event when we were younger so that we can finally feel what needs to be felt to complete the cycle of that emotion and move on and beyond it. Being there for yourself and holding space for whatever is rising to the surface is you giving yourself the nurturing love of a parent. The more often you practice that, the less available you are for people-pleasing or toxic relationships because you learn how to give to yourself what you thought you needed from someone or something else. Remember, when we trace back every desire, wish, and hope, we are left with a specific quality or feeling we are yearning for. With my free workbook, you can practice exactly that, and I introduce you to a holistic approach to emotional integration.

Photo by yours truly shot in beautiful Jeju Island, South Korea

Self-Care Routines & Rituals

Self-care or "me-time" is dedicated to you being the source of your well-being—a gift that you give to yourself. At the end of the day and your life, you are the person with whom you spend the majority of your time. So, it's better to cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself. Spending time in solitude, even if it's just 15 minutes each morning sitting in silence while sipping on your favorite cup of tea, can be very powerful and magical. By carving out time to spend alone, you operate from a high level of self-worth, and you become more intimate with yourself. Being in stillness without distractions can help you tremendously with self-discovery and the relationship with self—because you are dating yourself in a way.

Here are some of my favorite activities for self-care:

· Cacao ceremony (check out my recipe here)

· Walks in nature

· Bicycling

· Meditation & Breathwork

· Journaling

· Tea time and listening to the birds chirping

· Looking at the clouds in the sky and observing them passing by

· My skincare routine to show my beautiful temple, aka body appreciation

It doesn’t have to be complicated. The most simple things can be the most powerful ones, as you're not overwhelming yourself but having something you look forward to each day.

Responding To & Working With Anger and Frustration

Often, when we experience fiery emotions, particularly as women, it is all too common to point fingers at ourselves or throw a pity party. Being kind and gentle with ourselves tends to be the last thing on our minds when we are in the midst of these kinds of emotions. Yet, merely reacting to these feelings keeps us trapped in the same cycles. Learning to skillfully process anger can propel us forward and unlock the door to profound self-love—embracing all aspects of ourselves. Incorporating somatic practices such as breathwork, body shaking, or exercise offers effective methods for engaging with anger and frustration constructively, rather than fighting against them and, in turn, ourselves.

Another helpful practice can be setting aside just 10 minutes to jot down everything racing through your mind and then ceremoniously burning those pages. Anger is often seen as a secondary emotion as it serves as a mask for deeper emotions. Once you break through the surface, you may discover feelings of sadness, defeat, or a longing for respect and attention from yourself. Equipped with these tools, you can begin to welcome these emotions more openly. Remember, even figures like Mother Teresa experienced them; they are natural parts of the human experience! Keep in mind: what is within us cannot harm us.

A final note: Nurturing and treating yourself with respect and unconditional love can be daunting, especially if you've had a turbulent relationship with yourself in the past. However, this is precisely what is necessary for healing and returning to a state of wholeness. Your willingness to open your heart and seek peace within yourself, evident by your presence on my website reading this blog post, is enough to start! Ensure you're grounded and safe while navigating uncomfortable emotions and pain.

Otherwise, you risk overwhelming your nervous system, signaling that it's unsafe to feel, which hampers proper processing. Remember, safety always comes first! Take deep breaths to anchor yourself in the present moment and to make the U-turn from your mind into your body. Need additional support?