Dear Body

Dear body,

we went through hell and back.

We looked death in the face and survived.

We traveled through different timelines and space.

We went through our personal war and our relationship was like a mine field.

Looking into the mirror and seeing you felt like a punishment.

Feeding you was like a torture.

I abused you in the hope of manipulating you, so that I can sculpt you into my ideal — through resentment, resistance and hate.

I hoped that if you finally looked like I envisioned you, when you would be my beauty standard, we could finally be at peace & love each other.

I wanted to destroy you, I wanted to destroy me.

I was terribly wrong and told myself the biggest fucking lie one could told themselves: identifying with these stories and living as something or someone that I was not.

We went through an insane rollercoaster ride of:

facing darkness, dancing with the devil, feeding our demons, blinded by distortions, emotional turmoil that felt like tornados and storms,

what later turned into: grief, forgiveness, relief, healing, smiling, laughing…

Eventually slowly but surely I was able to hug you,

to look into these cat-like eyes, and see nothing but the Truth: Love.

We began to enjoy food together and remembered that it was nourishment,

and we began to see movement as a way of connection, not destruction.

I began to decorate you with art because I realized that you are art — a divine masterpiece.

And now we’re living together as a walking art gallery — a continous creative project of Love.

Our journey taught me radical acceptance and honesty,

and I would lie if there wouldn’t be days without storms that feel like we’ve lost all progress and are back to square one — but storms pass, and so do stories.

I began to learn the language of the heart, and forget the language of conditioning spoken by the human mind.

Dear body,

I am sorry,

please forgive me,

I love you,

thank you!