On Imposter Syndrome, Comparison & Not Feeling Good Enough
Imposter Syndrome? Oh, as creatives we all know it too well. I experienced it in many different ways, no matter if it was regarding the content that I share in the online space, and even more that I do so in English, or moving to different countries and doubting my skills and expertise — if it was „enough“ and if I can „proof“ that I am the ideal candidate for specific jobs so that I don‘t „have to“ settle — all these false conditions that aren’t even the absolute Truth, to begin with. It can show up in all of these ways, so many. Instead of feeling frustrated about it, we can, just like anything use it to our advantage. Since my theme of this year is to see life as a ceremony and act according to it, stories like Imposter Syndrome can be a portal for self-discovery and to again and again recognize who, and what we as the collective „I“ truly are.
What about comparison? In my opinion, this is a learned habit, not an inherent part or quality of ourselves. It served its purpose, to keep us „safe“ from facing ourselves and some (or a lot of) discomfort that comes with it. It can also be a distraction, and by only focusing on „what‘s wrong with us“, we are not just lying to ourselves by telling stories without questioning these narratives and we are distracting ourselves from our gifts and how amazing we truly are (without the fog of negative stories that makes it hard to see what we truly are. The what I am referring to our true divine nature).
Photo by RDNE
The other day I stumbled upon a meditation by the lovely Melina Charis (I highly recommend checking out her work!) addressing these very topics, and once I identified the stories that were spinning in my head, I paused and went within to investigate.
I asked myself where in my body I sense this part that feels like it‘s lacking or that it needs to prove something or meet a „certain“ requirement. I felt this tightness in my chest and held space for it. I asked myself: „Is this sensation a separate „part of me“ that feels inadequate? That is coming up with all these reasons why it‘s not good enough (for XYZ)“?“. My body answered „No“. I went deeper: „Is this part within this sensation on my chest?“. Again „No“.
Does this separate part of me with these stories truly exist or was it just some thoughts and feelings; and are these thoughts and feelings „me“? This process of peeling back layers made something very clear to me: that there is no separate „me“ with a bunch of stories nor that these thoughts are even the Truth. They are clouds passing through me — my awareness, and therefore they cannot be me & they are temporary arisings without substance.
What was left after this investigation? Nothingness, emptiness — my true essence that is undefined, unlimited, infinite, and all-encompassing. The more I rested in this, and even more as this space, the more these stories and feelings loosened their grip. I could breathe deeper, and feel the peace that I really am without trying to convince myself by trying to affirm over these thoughts or resisting the discomfort of the sensation — but through direct experience, I didn‘t need to convince myself of anything. I just am it, and so are you!
We are not fragmented and we are not these stories — we may have habitually identified as them and followed these feelings instead of just feeling them but we were never a separate little „me“ that struggles with insecurity and whatever creative BS our mind might come up as a „strategy“ to protect us (to distract us from our brilliance).
How about instead of resisting what comes up or trying to get rid of a trigger, to be curious and explore what is truly here? I believe our I AM, our true divine nature is sending us messages through nudges like these to see where we‘re not free yet so that we can see through these illusions and realize that we were never lacking anything to begin with. It was just the false perception we had about ourselves.
This wonderful human who is reading these words is an expression of the true divine nature that we all share but it‘s not the entirety of you. You are experiencing this human body — it‘s the vessel for you to play The Game of Life* but you‘re not it. You are aware of it, you watch it, and you cannot be what you can watch. This would be like saying that you‘re the show you‘re watching on Netflix when you‘re the screen that makes watching this show possible.
Feel free to try this practice for yourself and see what you discover, and share it in the comments below 🌿
If you want to take this a step further, explore + hold space together, and leave with an experience rather than just a mental concept, shoot me an email to schedule a session (I prefer calling it ceremony tho 🍵) or an email coaching package 🦋
*just so you know, this link is like a love note to me —it helps to keep the magic alive at no extra cost to you!
